To mark Vietnamese Women’s Day on October 20, the Single Mothers Storytelling Project, in collaboration with the Department of Gender and Development at the Vietnam Women’s Academy, organized a focus group discussion with seven single mothers.
The event opened with a stand-up comedy performance by Hong Minh, who shared humorous observations about everyday interactions between mothers and children, offering a witty and heartwarming perspective on the lives of single mothers. Her performance brought laughter and joy to the group.
This was the first time the project had incorporated stand-up comedy as an icebreaker. The laughter helped create a more open, relaxed, and intimate atmosphere, allowing participants to feel more comfortable connecting with one another.
After the initial laughter, the conversation gradually grew quieter and more reflective as the mothers began opening up about the turning points in their lives. Seven women, seven different circumstances: some had left marriages marked by suffocating control, others had struggled to make ends meet after losing their husbands, while some had navigated childbirth entirely on their own. Yet one quality stood out across their stories: their remarkable resilience in the face of adversity.
Weathering the Storm Through Self-Reliance
Moving forward after loss, each mother had to find her own way through some of the most uncertain periods of her life.
Recalling the emotional turmoil following her separation, Lan shared with sadness: “I was completely devastated back then… But later, whenever I thought about my child, I realized I couldn’t afford to fall apart. The more I thought about it, the more I felt for my child.” She chose to immerse herself in work to contain her pain and gradually regain her balance.
Mai, who had once shouldered the responsibilities of an entire family, suppressed the pain of her husband’s infidelity while working, raising two children, and pursuing a master’s degree.
For Hoa, strength came in the form of a conscious decision from the very beginning of her pregnancy as a single mother. “Throughout my pregnancy and childbirth, I kept telling myself that I had to be strong. I couldn’t allow myself to become weak or depressed… I was determined to stay strong and never let my child see a single tear fall from my eyes.” She chose to keep her child, even though it meant putting career advancement opportunities on hold.
Everyday Struggles: Making Ends Meet, Working, and Caring for Young Children
When reflecting on the most difficult periods of their lives, the mothers became visibly emotional as they recalled the early years of raising their children, when they had to shoulder the burden of earning a living with little or no one to help.
Hoa recalled leaving for a business trip at five in the morning, having to leave her not-yet-three-year-old child asleep at home. She would leave the bathroom light on to make the child feel less afraid while waiting for a neighbor to come over and look after them.
Similarly, An, a hardworking farmer, sometimes had to leave her five-year-old child at home with a pot of rice so she could get to the fields on time.
“As a farmer, I’d take my child to school, then come home to plow and plant. I’d time everything so I could pick my child up, bring them home, lock the door securely, leave a pot of rice for them to eat on their own, and then go back to work,” she recalled.
Beyond the pressure of making a living were moments of heartache brought on by children’s innocent wishes. One mother tearfully recounted a time when her child watched other children at a park and said wistfully, “Mom, I wish I had a dad who could carry me on his shoulders like those other kids… I stay strong in front of my child, but sometimes, when I’m alone and the sadness catches up with me, I cry. I cry until I’ve had enough, and then I carry on.”
Finding Balance and Taking Pride in Watching Their Children Grow
Despite their struggles, each mother had found her own ways to restore balance in life. Some found joy in working hard and staying productive. Others recharged through short outings with friends or by preparing special meals for their children. Some maintained their well-being through exercise, disciplined routines, better time management, and sufficient sleep.
After all the hardships, the greatest reward for these mothers was watching their children grow up to become well-mannered, independent young people.
An beamed with pride as she reflected on her journey. Despite having had no formal education herself, she had raised a child who graduated from a prestigious university.
“I never had the chance to go to school myself, but I’ve managed to raise a child who graduated successfully and found a decent job. That alone makes me more than content. My life’s movie has reached a happy ending!” she said.
For the other mothers, happiness was equally complete in seeing their children mature, learn to appreciate their mothers, and become a source of emotional support in return.
As one mother reflected with a sense of peace: “No one’s life can be perfect in every way. If you’re not suffering in one area, you’ll face difficulties in another. What matters is being content with the present and getting to watch your children grow up every day.”
At the end of the session, one mother shared how relieved she felt to finally put her feelings into words. Another said she was delighted that, regardless of their professions or occupations, everyone had been given the opportunity to share and be heard.
The project team was deeply moved by the gathering. Regardless of their educational backgrounds or the work they do, these mothers shared one profound bond: their boundless love for their children. And at the heart of their different journeys lay a common source of happiness — being able to see their children every day.The names of the participants have been changed to protect their privacy.
